Ugh . My last post was January 1. I am officially part of the “get hyped for the New Year, set GOALZZZ!!!! and then gloriously fall off club”. And it’s only February! What the heck? I realize that it is time to tackle the underlying issues of my inconsistency, to face head on what’s really going on here. First I want to start by talking about why I am inconsistent with the blog. Is it disinterest in what I thought were my interests? Is it laziness? Boredom? Fear?
Wait a minute….Fear. Yes. Fear of failure and success has been one of the major root systems in my inability to follow through on my goals. Sometimes it’s irrational sometimes it is perfectly rational. Here is a deeper dive into exactly what some of these fears are and how I am rationalizing and finding ways to overcome. And hopefully this will help you too if you recognize any of these in yourself:
a.I fear running out of topics to talk about once I gain visibility in the blog space. Which is silly. I have SO many things I want to talk about and share with you guys because my struggles are common human struggles and I know people will relate.
b. I fear competition. There are probably 1,257,673,456,798 blogs out there right now with really great content and even if the content isn’t that good, the visuals are amazing. Amazing pics, amazing scenery, amazing interiors , amazing food, amazing clothes, just amazing. And I don’t even have a proper camera yet ha! But I can’t dwell on that. Ever ask yourself why even though we’ve probably seen a thousand babies in our lifetime , we are ALWAYS fascinated when a new one enters the world? Because that child is unique and there is no one else on the planet like it. So I realize that there has never been anyone in the history of people like me therefore my only competition, is me.
c. I fear having to keep up with this blog. Ok ok so I am lazy sometimes but don’t we all get lazy?? But this is NO reason to stop following through. If I am worth my word , I WILL keep up. I keep up with other things in my life you know eating, keeping my place clean, doing laundry etc…so creating my own unique content consistently should be no different.
d. I fear I cannot stop procrastination. Again rooted in fear! And let’s face it we procrastinate on tasks that we don’t want to complete because there is an element of pain attached to it. It may be boring, sleep inducing , work intensive. And putting it off is pleasurable, temporary but pleasurable nonetheless. But I realize the way to get out of this rut is to attach GREATER pain to the outcome of NOT completing the task. For example, if I don’t study hard for this test, I will not get into my dream school and that will be more painful than studying! Thinking ahead to larger goals gets you through the unpleasantness of the task in front of you.
So there you have it folks, and here is where I’m starting to fix things, by taking small steps to conquer this Fear demon once and for all. In all honesty it’s wrecking my self image , even maybe how others see me (*flaky* gasp!!) , and quite possibly opportunities for the future but no pity party here. I’m taking a chance on me. Because if I don’t see the value in myself and what I have to offer , no one else will.